WELLNESS WEDNESDAYS: Validation Plants Seeds of Self-Worth

WELLNESS WEDNESDAYS: Validation Plants Seeds of Self-Worth

One beautiful aspect of the work of Seeing True as I practice it is when a dialogue suddenly and unexpectedly veers into extremely fruitful terrain. That was the case in the following exchange with Susan.

Susan: I just realized that if we're not nurtured as infants and affirmed for who we are in childhood and adolescence, our potential (what we are born for) may be stifled until someone comes along and confirms our worth.

Ron: Exactly. Yet the problem is that we can run into the potentially limiting arena of external validation. We become dependent on external cues when in fact the "Great Reality of I" resides within us. We look outward for worth rather than inward.

Validation Plants Seeds of Self-Worth

Susan: Okay. But my downfall for so many years seems to have been that since I didn't appear to be appreciated by my parents, I was convinced I wasn't worth much. Although my ego would assert otherwise, deep down I could not be good enough. I was unable to believe anyone who pointed out something good in me.

Ron: Right. You're describing the inner woundedness that blocks us off. That lack of inherent worth is your perceived reality. Everything in your life arranges itself accordingly, even if you have to be delusional to sustain it.

Susan: Still, it seems that once I am confirmed, I can learn to confirm myself. Once I am able to believe in me, I am free to be who I was born to be. The right kind of feedback is so necessary for us to become, period. Lack of affirming feedback and we're dead on the vine. Does that make sense?

Ron: Again, right on the mark. Interestingly enough, the kind of confirmation we receive needs to decrease our dependency rather than increase it. Honest but affirming coaching, mentoring, relationships and counseling that reawakens our own sense of worth.

Susan: Okay. I get it. What does that look like?

Ron: Easy enough to imagine. Think about appropriate childhood nurturing. As a child, when we are "wounded," whether physically or emotionally, someone tends to us. They hold us. Reassure us. Soothe us. If that is done effectively, the child bounces back and re-engages life. When it is done poorly or we are neglected, we do not mend, and at worst we do not move on. We become stunted.

Susan: That helps. It's like an emotional picture of how I'll know when I'm being well supported.

Ron: Exactly. If an interaction with someone soothes while encouraging your resilience, it will probably be useful.

Susan: Thank you for taking the time. And showing interest.

Ron: You're welcome.

Susan: You just nurtured me, didn't you?

Seeing True

In the end, unconditionality is what heals us, when we are accepted and valued for being exactly who we are, as well as for who we are not.

When that unconditionality becomes our own reality, when we accept ourselves wholly, then we can realize our potential.

Seeing True in Action

Time for some truth telling.

Who do I have in my life that nurtures my innermost growth and development? What is it they do that validates? How do they succeed in enabling me rather than creating dependence?